It is not good for man to be alone

          It's just about the end of semester here at school. Final big projects are coming due, last tests and quizzes are being given, and stress permeates the atmosphere like a humid Arkansas summer afternoon. I must admit, I have been party to these stresses. I haven't quite been doing what I needed to stay on top of things and once again I find myself struggling to climb out of the holes I've dug for myself. Is it even worth it? What should I do? I also must confess that I haven't been going to church lately in the hopes of getting work done. I missed Tuesday and Sunday (and possible the Sunday before that). I didn't realize how that had affected me until tonight.
          Last night, I had a breakdown. I was working on a project I had to present today. I'd procrastinated and was now desperately trying to get it together. The stress of school and being behind on everything had been building up in me; I was beginning to crack. I couldn't focus; I couldn't relax. I tried to deal with it but I ended up losing it. I drove aimlessly around town for at least half an hour, crying.
          When I get back and park. I get a call from my friend Desiree. Somehow, I cry again during the conversation and I pour out all my anxieties. She gives me a speech about doing the work we need to do. She apologizes several times but she feels the need to say it. I insist that it's what I need to hear. After our conversation. I get back to the apartment. I'd been out for about forty-five minutes by then. I force myself to sit down and work on it. I eventually finish it at 4am.
          The next day, I head to my first class and it's going all right until the not-unexpected pop quiz. I don't think I did well on it. The next class is the one where I had to present the project. I was all nerves. I'm fairly sure it was obvious how unprepared I was. I was supposed to take ten minutes but I rushed, forgot a lot of what I was going to say and did it only in five. By now, I feel defeated. It was not a happy morning. I try to get some work done after lunch but distractions abound.
          Before my afternoon lab I decide to post a glowing review of a professor on RateMyProfessor. Posting that review improved my mood quite a bit. Looking back, I think focusing on something good and that I'm thankful for helped pull focus from my shortcomings. I amused myself by reading the negative reviews (they really were funny) before heading to lab where Desiree and I had fun, as usual.
          After, my mood starts to sink again and I'm exhausted. I got less than four hours of sleep last night. I feel distinctly broken. My head felt strange, like I had a head-cold but not a physical one. I try to nap but stresses invade my sleep and it's fitful. My alarm goes off. I make a simple dinner and head to church. It's obvious we're all stressed. We dig into Galatians: read chapter two, versus fifteen through twenty-one.
          Throughout the discussion, I truly relaxed. God was speaking to me. I felt the way I know I'm supposed to feel, peaceful and full of love. I really needed that. I realized that by missing church, I'd short-changed myself. I allowed external things to get to me and be brought down by them and my human nature. I wasn't allowing God to show through as much as I should. I'd left myself vulnerable to attack. Digging into the Word and having fellowship builds us up and keeps us strong. We need each other. To remind each other of what we know and to keep focused on what matters, build Christ-esteem rather than self-esteem.
          It was so refreshing tonight. I feel mended and whole, again. It's important we care for each other and study together. It's a huge part of functioning as the body of Christ; perhaps the most important thing next to loving and obeying God. In Him I am strong. Together in Him with my brothers and sisters, we are so much more than we could be alone.

Knowing An Unknowable God

          I was on youtube when I saw a video about a man arrested for bringing his daughter to church after a restraining order by his Jewish ex-wife/girl's mother against that specific act. As usual for these videos, a comment war over religion was raging (over 2000 comments). The most recent at the time I watched it was a very agnostic comment (he is quoted verbatim, please excuse the grammar, punctuation, and spelling):

religion is hypocritical by nature as it is an institution of man's design claiming to be the presance or manifstation of God (an incompehensible infinity) to man... how can man claim to understand the intentions of that which is by its nature un-understanable.

          His less than stellar writing is enough to bother me but his message was uninformed. I replied with the following:

You're applying agnostic thought to a decidedly not-agnostic religion. It's true that God is above and beyond what we are as lowly humans but He repeatedly shows His nature and claims that man is "made in His image". Also, He communicates with us through the Holy Spirit within us. If took the time to study [the Bible], you'd know this.

          Do you agree? Disagree? What are your thoughts? I'd love to see some Bible verses and commentary on this.

Love, the greatest commandment

          When I do you wrong, it wounds me. When I do right by you, it edifies me. I'm not a people-pleaser but I do have a spirit of love. It wars with the vestiges of a hostile state of mind, now void of emotion yet still vocal out of habit; speaking harsh truths and blatant lies. I'd been tossing around, and even started on, some ideas for months now but this one feels right. It makes sense that I would come back to the core of what I am, love.
          My name means "one who is like God". Considering my spiritual nature, the full potential of what I can be in Him, the name makes sense. He is love. He is passionate. That is what I am, what I want and should be. But that's not always what I reflect and it feels wrong when I don't. All of His commandments can be summed up in one thing, love. "Love the Lord with all your heart, all your soul and all your might." "Love your neighbor as yourself." These are not passive actions; love is more than a feeling. It is that desire that turns into action. You have so much love, you want to do right by God and those around you.
          There's so much love, you can't help but let it overflow and pour it into others. His love fills you up; it saturates every part of you and who you are. You are lost in it. You are no longer yourself but a single drop in His vast ocean, within you, you in it and all around you. You are so far beneath the surface you don't see anything else and can only be carried by the deep currents. He will take you to where you should be.
          That is who He is; what we are, having been made in His image. Who are we to deny that?